All My Angles: Why WWE Doesn't Need This Newest Soap Opera Twist

Last night on Monday Night Raw, Kurt Angle revealed that Jason Jordan is his secret love child from years past. Jordan and Angle then had a teary-eyed, “heartfelt” reunion followed by a joint interview on the WWE Network. This is just a quick recap of WWE’s latest foray into the soap opera world where logic flies out the door in lieu of enough twists and turns to bring a smile to Vince Russo’s face. Honestly though, saying this is a soap opera esque twist might be an insult to shows like General Hospital and The Young And The Restless. This story makes far less sense and is even more improbable than practically any story that could possibly be told on one of the shows. If we are to go along with the kayfabe of this story, we are suppose to believe that no one knew about Kurt Angle’s illicit love child even though said son was working for WWE for years now. We are suppose to buy that the dirtsheets on the internet that used to report on every breath CM Punk took after his exit or every potential comment or tweet relating to John Cena’s marriage proposal somehow didn’t ever suspect or know anything about Kurt Angle’s child being the Smackdown Tag Team Champion. That’s not to mention sites like TMZ that seem to have dirt on everyone and have only reported on practically every day of the ongoing Del Rio/Paige show. A story like this is not just believable anymore. Surprisingly though, that’s not what pisses me off the most about Angle’s angle.

What can possibly be gained from doing this story? That’s the first question that immediately popped into my head when I saw Angle and Jordan embrace in the ring. I doubt anyone is going to really care if Jordan is rewritten to be Angle’s son. It won’t increase his popularity in any way in my eyes. If Stephanie McMahon, or some other evil entity, is revealed to be tricking Angle then one has to wonder why they went through all the effort to come up with this elaborate ruse when they could have messed with Angle in a far easier way. In McMahon’s case, she even could have just fired him if she is revealed to be the mastermind. This story leaves the same bad taste in my mouth that was their when the last major parental drama was plaguing the WWE airwaves. This story seems to have all the makings of an idiotic deadend tale like the Vince McMahon and Hornswoggle drama of the 2000’s. I don’t see a way for WWE to make this better than that.

At the end of the day, I have to honestly take some blame for this myself. I relatively recently said that James Ellsworth retrieving the Money In The Bank Briefcase was the worst story WWE could run this year. I must have jinxed WWE because they somehow topped that story ten-fold with this one. I guess the best thing I can hope for is that this is forgotten about a couple weeks from now and the story wraps at Summerslam. Please be merciful WWE. I can’t take it any longer than that. I can’t go through a whole year pretending that this story is a good thing. God forbid, I ever have to try to explain this whole thing to a wrestling skeptic. If anyone out there is listening, please for the love of God end this angle before it begins. At this point though, I should have seen it coming. Stuff like this runs in WWE’s blood. Vince McMahon’s limo exploding and The Ministry Of Darkness make up the illustrious lineage of stories like this one. This just ends up being another chapter to suffer through as the WWE world turns...